Bottled Up

Alcoholism is a family disease. In spite of all the celebrities who

talk freely of their battles with alcohol, there is still little public

understanding of the effect that compulsive drinking and other

addictions have on families.

The Children of Alcoholics Foundation estimates that there

are seven million children under 18 living with an alcoholic

parent. These parents are unable to meet their child’s needs for

love, stability, care, and guidance most of the time. Not only

are children emotionally at risk because of the addicted parent,

but they are affected by the anxieties and helplessness of any

non-addicted members of the household as well.

Typically, most drinkers, like other addicts, deny they have

a problem. The family becomes involved in a conspiracy of

silence. Children learn to deny what they see and hear, to ignore

what they feel. They may brag and lie to peers to cover up for

what goes on at home and for things they lack. They feel jealous

and resentful of children who come from less troubled homes.

Children of alcoholics typically are isolated with their confusion,

guilt, anger, and anxiety. They are fearful of bringing friends

home, never knowing what they might witness. They don’t

talk to outsiders because of shame and guilt.

Experts identify four roles that children often take on to

survive in an alcoholic home. The hero or responsible child

learns at a young age to take responsibility for themselves

as well as the household. They tend to be organized and do

well, masking the turmoil they suffer inside. The lost child or

adjuster is pliable and undemanding, adapts to chaos, shrugs

off broken promises, hypercriticism, and abuse. The mascot

or clown attempts to be the peacemaker, feeling responsible

for the pain of the family. The scapegoat is a troublemaker who

often acts out in self-destructive ways and is most likely to be

the one identified as in need of services.

Where can they get help? Al-Anon is a fellowship of

relatives and friends of alcoholics who share experiences and

help families of alcoholics. Alateen, part of Al-Anon, is for teens

who have been adversely affected by someone else’s compulsive

drinking. Alateen teaches young teens the facts about alcoholism

in order to help them accept the addiction as a disease and to

realize that they are not responsible for the parent’s drinking.

They discuss common problems and experiences. It helps them

overcome denial and recognize how they feel—lonely, angry,

frustrated and frightened. It makes them see that they have been

asked to shoulder responsibilities inappropriate for their age.

Bottled Up

in helping a teen overcome the devastating effects of an

alcoholic family.shows how friends can be a positive influence